Peanut Butter and Purple Onions

Sounds crazy until you try it.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

If Only We Had a Paladin on the UWS

…I mean, why stop my geeky sci-fi/fantasy post titles now? Three points if you get the above reference (but you’ll have to read through to the end for it to make sense! I am evil like that).

So anyway, Devorit visited us last weekend, and a merry time was had by all. She was most pleased to encounter significantly more liveable weather this time around. Her first visit to New York was last July, when it was approximately a gadzillion degrees and two hundred percent humidity. Devorit and I share a genetic horror for temperatures over ninety degrees, so you can imagine her relief when Sunday dawned bright and clear. (Sure, there was some rain on Saturday, but contrary to popular belief, the OC does get substantial rainstorms, so the moderate drizzle here was nothing she couldn’t handle.)

We spent several hours wandering through (read: getting lost in) Central Park, which is exploding with daffodils of all shades of white and yellow. When Devorit casually mentioned, with a devil-may-care kind of saucy sangfroid, that she was contemplating a hot dog from one of the park vendors, I knew I had to take her to Gray’s Papaya instead.

(I know, I know. Many of you are staunch defenders of the Central Park pushcart hot dog vendors, and I respect that, I really do. I am simply incapable of eating a hot dog that I have seen emerging from that grayish water. I’m just not a strong person that way.)

So off to Gray’s Papaya. In case you haven’t had the pleasure, this is a place that sells hot dogs and juice – and that’s it. (Well, some sort of breakfast items in the morning, maybe.) And the employees are known for their surliness. That may be an overstatement; say rather that they are strong proponents of efficient ordering. They know what they’re doing, and they expect the same from you. It can be a little intimidating on your first visit, especially if you’re a person of acknowledged hot dog weakness like myself, so I coached Devorit a bit.

BNA: You have to tell him either plain or with sauerkraut.
Devorit: Um…(looks stricken at prospect of no mustard)
B: (remembering Devorit’s devotion to the yellow side of the condiment aisle) No, no, you put your own ketchup and mustard on afterwards, at the counter there. See?
D: Aha. Very good. So…hmmm. I don’t know if I want sauerkraut or not.
B: (eloquent silence)
D: (raising eyebrow) Yes, I know that you don’t like sauerkraut, but I do.
B: Hey, on your head be it.
D: Fine, fine, get two plain.

Successful ordering ensued. Visual aid:

Then there was the mid-consumption conversation:

B: You like?
D: It’s good. But I wish I had ordered mine with sauerkraut.
B: Whyyyyy?
D: I like it!
B: Dude. You know what sauerkraut is, right?
D: (sighing) What?
B: Zombie cabbage.
D: …you are demented, you know that?
B: And you should not eat the undead. Am I right?
D: Dude. You have ruined sauerkraut for me. You suck.
B: Another mission accomplished!

Stay tuned for more of our weekend adventures.


  • At 9:07 AM, Blogger JRRyan said…

    hahahaha Maybe it's a good thing you didn't have a paladin with you though--they can get get kinda crazy with their Hammer of Justice. Though, if your friend DID succumb to Varimathras' cabbage...the pally could throw a Divine Intervention on you...

  • At 9:10 AM, Blogger BNA said…

    heya! I agree, paladins can get both crazy and a little sanctimonious...blah blah blah rescue the weak, destroy the evil, etc. :)

    p.s. Varimathras' cabbage = pure genius.


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